Mariane Doktor, servant and writer

A journey in creativity and faith

Tag: fear

Where do I find peace?

I stood in my kitchen reading on my phone when it was as if my body was filled with lead. 220 Assyrian Christians abducted by IS was the headline.  The lead began to speak words in my mind I had not heard for years.

Why don’t you stop? What good is it for?  You are useless, and no one loves you…why don’t you become like everyone else? Does God really exist, can you see him anywhere? Drink this cup of fear, then everything will be better. Deny, deny, deny. Say what they want to hear and you will save your life.

I lied down on my bed. My heart was restless, where could it find rest, peace?

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Fifty Shades of Fear vs. True Love

I read five sentences and thought this was poorly written. I read the whole page and I began to have an unpleasant feeling in my chest, I felt insecurity and fear. This book is supposed to be romantic.
The book I’m talking about is “Fifty Shades of Grey”. I remember when the book was launched some years ago, it was very popular in Denmark, but I didn’t pay much attention to the book. When I heard the book was dreadfully written and contained bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism, I decided the book was not worth of my money or time.
Now the book has been adapted into a movie, and I found it was important for me to take part in the discussion about the film. I had not read the book, but I found a free excerpt on the Internet and decided to read it, since I thought I should read some before coming to a judgment. The excerpt was 19 pages long, but I couldn’t endure more than three pages. I love reading and I am a writer myself, but these sentences were a pain to read. However, the quality of the text was not the worst part, the content was the worst. I read that one of the female protagonists Ana wakes up confused, doesn’t know where she is. When she sees Christian, the male protagonist, she has a strange feeling, she starts feeling like a 2 year-old, feels very small and whispers to Christian. He is described as a control freak, he hardly expresses any feelings, but seems cold, we are told he has stalked Ana, and she feels he scolds her. I get the impression that she’s afraid of him. I will also tell you that Ana is a 21-years-old virgin when she meets him.

Woman in fear

A quote from the movie: “No, please. I can’t do this, not now. I need some time. Please.” “Oh Ana, don’t overthink this.”

How people choose to spice their marriage and sex life with role play, sadism and masochism is none of my business, but I’m concerned about the young people of our society. What does this book and movie teach young women (and young men) about love and relationships?

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Meet your fears with faith: Guest post by Jayna Coppedge, a Woman Trusting God (Episode 3)

This is the final episode of my series on fear. I’m very honored to host a fantastic testimony by Jayna Coppedge, who shares how her faith in God helps her endure fear. Please welcome her and write a comment to her.


 

“I have been following the news this week and praying for your daughter. I guess you are praying she will be moved out of there.”

“Thank you, so much for praying for her. Your prayers are probably one of the reasons Steve and I have no fears or worries about her. Although we do pray for her protection, we also pray she can stay.”

A light in the dark I am the second person in the dialogue. I have this conversation numerous times a week, especially now that the United States is sending in air strikes to fight terrorism. For security reasons, I must be vague. My single 29 year-old daughter serves with a faith-based organization in a country where tanks and soldiers with machine guns are normal. Following God’s call, she disciples national believers, explains the gospel in Arabic to the persons with whom she has a relationship, and meets the needs of the refugees that have flooded her country.

This story, though, is not about the young woman. This story is about the God who supplies peace beyond human understanding to me, her mother. Even though believers are martyred in my daughter’s country, I am not fearful.

To understand the magnitude of the miracle, I must give you some history. When I was in seventh grade, my mother worried over my safety so much, she insisted that I carried mace. By the time I was 21, my mother convinced me that I would be a crime statistic. On the nights my husband traveled, I was certain would be attacked if I slept. I laid in bed, clutching a brass candlestick, and reciting every Bible verse I knew. This was the early 1980’s, there were no cell phones, so when he was late coming home, I concluded that he was dead. Fear was my constant companion.

I was always aware of God; salvation came to me very naturally in first grade. Active in my church, I chose a career in the church. Although a minister, I did not believe unconditional love, joy or peace were possible before heaven. Studying diligently, I could teach about God’s love, but I did not feel loved. Satan took all the sermons and examples of God giving peace in the midst of suffering; then rearranged the words to say, “If you trust Jesus, God will make you pay your dues by causing you to suffer”.

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Fearing fear (Episode 1)

This is a guest poem by Billy Charles Root

 

In order that I deal with my fears

I must put away my tough guy veneer
I will write them all down right here
before my God and peers

“The only thing we have to fear
is fear itself”

-FDR, 1932

 

I fear, fearing fearFear
I fear fearing that which has no reason to be feared and not fearing that which does.

I fear what others think of me
How I look, what I wear, what I say and think, what, how and why I write.

I fear liking or even loving things that are a waste of said like and love
The babbling of crude jokes and cigarettes to smoke, fornicate TV
and I instead of we

I fear addiction to the mind control of men, having their minds controlled by men, having their minds controlled by the evil one

I fear never getting it right and failing with every sight day and night while pretending I’m alright

I fear sleeping,
Eye’s closed missing out , life passing by, not seeing the tomorrow come and the old become new

I fear dying,  dying before I’ve done what I’ve been created to do, falling short,  falling down and ending incomplete

I fear missing the point altogether and caring for perishable perishables

I fear forgetting,  forgetting why and what for and where next, what time and how much may be left , names and faces and love

I fear anger, am I capable of going too far if someone hurts me or hurts me by hurting them

Above all I fear most arriving at the throne with no crown to lay down and hearing      “I never knew you, depart from me you vile and wicked servant”

 

© Billy Charles Root

How I stopped my fear, and started to be myself

The Law of Jante:

  1. You’re not to think you are anything special.
  2. You’re not to think you are as good as we are.
  3. You’re not to think you are smarter than we are.
  4. You’re not to convince yourself that you are better than we are.
  5. You’re not to think you know more than we do.
  6. You’re not to think you are more important than we are.
  7. You’re not to think you are good at anything.
  8. You’re not to laugh at us.
  9. You’re not to think anyone cares about you.
  10. You’re not to think you can teach us anything.

Before you run away, I will tell you the words above are not mine. Many years ago, the Danish author Aksel Sandemose wrote those words and called them the Law of Jante, Jante being the main character in the book “A Fugitive crosses his Tracks”. He did not invent the rules, but put the existing social norms into these commandments. It was not a real law, but even today, the law still affects many Danes. I think Jante was a man who compared himself to other people, he had low self-esteem. He was jealous of other people’s succes, he didn’t love himself, and he was afraid to be himself. He hated himself and he projected his hatred unto other people. His hatred was so tremendous, that he wrote down those rules so other people would feel of less worth than they really were.

The law affected me too. As a child, I didn’t want to show what I was good at, and I was afraid to speak up. I was afraid of being different and making mistakes because I was afraid others wouldn’t like me. I was afraid of being who I was.

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