Mariane Doktor, servant and writer

A journey in creativity and faith

I have sown thistles

I have sown thistles for too long
What is my new me?
I’ve stood in the rain
(inside)
The water dries up
In the valley of tears
Flood of sand
Who can enclose the darkness?
I long for the one who died for me and now lives

In the shadow of your wings

The sun is shining
on the folded hands
I’m only dust

The curtain of the sky
Torn apart
The head is filled
With your word
The day sleeps no longer
Waiting for the lamb
On my knees
I’m lying
In the shadow
Of your wings

Only you, Lord can quench
The thirst
In my soul
Eternal you
You, the only God
You are my life and my light
You are who you are

Get up

Rain
tiredness
I can’t feel myself
A bird flies into the window
The body is a stone
Don’t wanna get up
The cold fingers
Write no more
I’m tired and hungry
I can’t do anything
Headache, autumn storm, October rain, moving mess and emptiness
I am powerless

Continue reading

Grass withers

The wind
blows back and forth
withered grass

Empty me
of my emptiness
the old must die
the void must become fullness
the fullness of love

Grass withers
the word stands
forever

Not fast food

Why is God distant? But is He distant?
I believe I can find God in the same way as I find my phone, open the refrigerator, turn on the TV and run to buy groceries.
Many times I have to wait for hours, weeks, months and years on God. But I don’t want to wait any longer than five minutes.
I’m used to the comfortable life.
If we don’t want to cook or bake, we can buy a prepared meal.
If we don’t want to buy groceries, we can have them delivered.
The washing machine washes the clothes. The tumble drier dries the clothes. The dishwasher washes the dishes. The vacuum cleaner cleans the floor. The car is faster than our feet. The radio, tv and cell phone give us fast entertainment.
But God, you’re not fast food.
You’re not fast entertainment.
I can read in my Bible, and you’re still distant.
I can read a devotion and you’re distant.
I can listen to worship and you’re distant.
I can listen to a sermon and you’re distant.
I can read a Christian book and you’re distant.
I can attend church and you’re distant.
I can pray for five minutes, and you’re silent and distant.
You’re not an automate or a robot
You’re not a bottom or a pet
You’re not a doll
You’re not man-made
Your greatness and holiness are indefinite
God, help me listen to you
Help me to be more patient and humble

 

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