Mariane Doktor, servant and writer

A journey in creativity and faith

Category: He knows (page 2 of 3)

Are you worried?

The trees will soon have lost their leaves. What should I buy him for Christmas? Maybe my car will have a flat tire again. The vacuum cleaner, the camera and the kitchen scale are broken. What will be the next thing to break? The weather forecasters predict more storms to come…It will be colder outside, snow might come, the roads will be slippery… He said today he felt sick, I hope we’re not all going to have the flu. She has heard dirty swearwords, I hope she will not begin to use them too. I thought I had time, but I can’t make it in time to write the Christmas series. What should I make for dinner tonight? Where did time go? It was here a moment ago! Hey…where am I driving?



“Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matt 6:33)

Let’s read the verse in context.

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
25 Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28 And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt 6:25-34)

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Are you thirsty?

I was about to take a bite of my  sandwich in a diner in Washington, when the young guy stood right by our table. I did notice him earlier outside the diner on the street,  He talked to my husband and me.

“Excuse me?” I said,  asking him to repeat his question.

“Wanna buy some Marihuana?” He said.

“No thanks”, I said, half smiling.

The guy walked up to the man standing behind the disk.

Did we look like someone who wanted to buy Marihuana?
I saw myself wandering up to the guy and telling him that I didn’t need Marihuana. I had enough in Jesus. He is my life and daily bread. Then I would declare the gospel to him. This is how it sounded in my imagination. I remained at my seat as if was glued to my chair, and my mouth did nothing but eat.
At least I prayed for the Marihuana ‘salesman’.

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Out of breath

We draw close to each other
In the light of the street air
which squeezes trough the shades
A drop of air creaks back and forth between the windpipe and the lungs
My hand softly on your burning skin
You groan, pant
want to draw your breath
I sit beside you
You have an adult look
The tiny rasping breast
I hold you in my arms
My soul cries out for help
We hold on to a border of a garment
A second
Air in a small mouth
We cling to the Word of life



Blessed are they that mourn

It was time to have my teeth examined, and I was anxious if my dental hygienist would find holes in my teeth. As I was about to lie down in the dentist’s chair, she asked me: “you have heard that Susan (my dentist) is not here anymore?”

“What?” I had no idea what she was talking about. “Susan is not here anymore…two weeks ago she died in a very tragic accident”.

For five years I had attended her clinic, she had fixed many holes in my teeth. She was a kind, warm, sweet woman.  Susan was a person you cannot avoid loving. I only knew her from my dentist appointments, but she was a wonderful caring person. We talked about our children, we talked about our lives. She was a woman, who cared. I was safe in her arms, and now she was gone. Her husband and children had lost her too soon. It made no sense, I found no meaning. I had lost a friend.

I dedicate this post to the ones who have lost a loved one.

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Tears of an exhausted mother and a letter from her best friend

Last night I went to bed accompanied with a headache and two teardrops. The reason for my tears was our guests, who wanted to eat, sleep and live in our kitchen. They did no harm, but  I couldn’t welcome thousands of ants running in circles all over my kitchen floor.

Today I will welcome you into my imperfection. As a wife and a mother I’m often exhausted, tired and worried. I long to have more energy and joy. The times when I do not know when the train will arrive or my destination are the worst.  At this moment, I have to be patient while my son has problems in his school, my daughter’s favorite word is “no”, my husband’s leg is broken, and I’m a recovering  addict of Facebook.

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