Last night I went to bed accompanied with a headache and two teardrops. The reason for my tears was our guests, who wanted to eat, sleep and live in our kitchen. They did no harm, but I couldn’t welcome thousands of ants running in circles all over my kitchen floor.
Today I will welcome you into my imperfection. As a wife and a mother I’m often exhausted, tired and worried. I long to have more energy and joy. The times when I do not know when the train will arrive or my destination are the worst. At this moment, I have to be patient while my son has problems in his school, my daughter’s favorite word is “no”, my husband’s leg is broken, and I’m a recovering addict of Facebook.
Yes, I’m a sober addict of Facebook (or Fakebook which God has told me it is). I was an addict for almost a year, and recently, I felt the Holy Spirit gave me strength to let go of Facebook. I had to let go because I let it consume too much of my time, presence and love. So I’m taking a long break from Facebook, and I expected to get filled with the Spirit and with love and joy. I didn’t miss Facebook, but I was sad and empty. One day I ate chocolate and biscuits until I couldn’t bare the emptiness of the my stomachache. The next day I was not on Facebook, but I filled my head with articles written by Christians, and I was empty. I read in my Bible and tried to pray, and I was empty. In the meanwhile, I thought I should be a good Christian. I should evangelize, I should preach the gospel, I should help someone, I should pray for the world, I should spread God’s love. I should, I should, I should – but I remained in a roundabout and I kept circling around myself. Where do I go?
A letter from a friend
I’m a wife and mother, who cries because of ants in her kitchen, but today the Holy Spirit inspired me to write this letter.
Don’t despair. Don’t you know that I love you? Don’t drift around. Take my hand, let me water you, cleanse you, carry you, support you. I’m right here. Look at me. I know how you feel. Come with me, I want to lead you on the way of eternity, don’t be afraid. I will not leave you. Don’t worry, trust me. If only you could understand how much I love you. It’s ok to cry. I know it’s tough. You can tell me everything. I’m your friend. I’ll never let you down. Call on me, my beloved friend. I’m waiting for you. Come to me and let your soul get rest. Trust me, I love you. Don’t be afraid. I’m with you always unto the end of the world. Don’t be afraid. Don’t hit yourself. Listen to me, am I not your best friend? I’m here even when I’m quiet. I’m here when you’re sad. I’m here when you’re mad. I’m here when you’re in despair and tired. I’m here and I’ll never leave you. I’m also here when you can’t feel it. You’re not alone. I know how you feel. Come with me. I’m your friend. Don’t care about your mistakes. I forgive you. Come to me, come into my arms. I want to comfort you and I want you to feel safe.
Remember me, I will always remember you.
Stay with me
Stay in me
Stay in my words
Let me cleanse you
Let me water you
Let me shine on you
Let me shine inside you
I love all people! I wish they would all come to me
I wish they would all accept me
I wish I were welcome in their homes
In their dreams
In their hearts
In their countries
Come to me
I love you
When you don’t know where to go
come to Jesus
Dear Mariane, I love this piece. I’ve missed your writing, but I understand when life is hard and complicated. May I share that recently another blogger wrote about Psalm 16. I think that like me, you will find great treasure there. In fact, she quoted one who said that it could be called, “The Psalm of the Precious Secret.” You can find her here: http://livewithflair.blogspot.com/2015/06/good-lines.html I hope this will strengthen your heart.
Dear Elaine, how can I ever express my gratitude? Your support and encouragement really means a lot, and thank you for sharing psalm 16 and the blog post, there is much of wisdom and comfort to find there. God bless you!