Mariane Doktor, servant and writer

A journey in creativity and faith

Tag: Jesus (page 1 of 4)

I have sown thistles

I have sown thistles for too long
What is my new me?
I’ve stood in the rain
(inside)
The water dries up
In the valley of tears
Flood of sand
Who can enclose the darkness?
I long for the one who died for me and now lives

In the shadow of your wings

The sun is shining
on the folded hands
I’m only dust

The curtain of the sky
Torn apart
The head is filled
With your word
The day sleeps no longer
Waiting for the lamb
On my knees
I’m lying
In the shadow
Of your wings

Only you, Lord can quench
The thirst
In my soul
Eternal you
You, the only God
You are my life and my light
You are who you are

Get up

Rain
tiredness
I can’t feel myself
A bird flies into the window
The body is a stone
Don’t wanna get up
The cold fingers
Write no more
I’m tired and hungry
I can’t do anything
Headache, autumn storm, October rain, moving mess and emptiness
I am powerless

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Is there a way out of temptations?

She is almost done grocery shopping and is standing in the queue to payment when she hears a small voice: “mommy…” From the sound of hear voice she knows what her daughter is up to. She has discovered her favorite candy and asks her if they can buy it? It’s Monday which means there are four days to the day she can have her sweets. What is she going to choose? Will she give in to her because it’s 4 pm and they’re both tired and exhausted or will she tell her no?
While discussing with herself what to do, she knows deep down how her daughter feels. Last Thursday the mother went shopping. She passed by the biscuits, the cookies and the cakes. In a hurry, she passed by the chips and the soda before she stood in the queue to payment. Then she saw it. Her favorite bar of chocolate was for sale. She made an exception and bought a thing, which wasn’t on the grocery list. She said to herself she was going to save it until Friday. The same evening she and her husband and were watching TV when they agreed they needed something sweet. She fetched the chocolate. In a few seconds the whole bar was gone.
The mother stops discussing with herself.  A word comes out of her mouth,  and the girl is laying on the floor screaming, because she heard the word “no.”

Temptations. Every day we face many temptations.

One small piece of chocolate isn’t enough. Five minutes on Facebook isn’t enough. Quickly, five minutes become thirty minutes or sixty minutes. There are good things about Facebook, but for me there are more downsides. I’m not going to list them here, but I’m both the girl and the mother in the supermarket. I have to take the decision and allow the small girl in me to waste time on Facebook or listen to the mother in me who says “No!” I know what the right choice is, but the right choice is often the hardest and the most unpleasant one.

How can we overcome temptations and make the hard, but right choice?

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I’mpossible

I’m sitting by the keyboard when I meet a precipice. Mission impossible. Not the movie. Impossible? Wrong. Mission I AM possible. From where does the A come? From the alphabet, from the piano, from the chamber music? From the abstract? No. From the absurd? No. From the accusative? From calling on Abba? Yes. It’s God Father, who says I AM possible. I AM. I’m a possibility. To me everything is possible, God says. YAHWEH. He is the one He says He is. Powerful, strong, full of strength. So strong he can choose to be powerless, he can choose to die, to humiliate himself, he can choose to sacrifice himself. His grace is unconditional, his love is unlimited. He can forgive. He can move mountains. He can move borders. He can love the unloved. He is so holy that he loves everyone. He loves his creation infinitely. Unconditionally. Passionately. He died, but overcame death, sin, devil. He is the strongest. He is strength. God almighty.
But I am weak. Small. Powerless. Fragile. Full of sin. Full of shame. Full of thorns. I’m not a good person.
But I look at Jesus. I become silent.

 

thorns

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