Close to me
like a breeze
He makes me alive
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. (Psalm 145:18)
I was about to take a bite of my sandwich in a diner in Washington, when the young guy stood right by our table. I did notice him earlier outside the diner on the street, He talked to my husband and me.
“Excuse me?” I said, asking him to repeat his question.
“Wanna buy some Marihuana?” He said.
“No thanks”, I said, half smiling.
The guy walked up to the man standing behind the disk.
Did we look like someone who wanted to buy Marihuana?
I saw myself wandering up to the guy and telling him that I didn’t need Marihuana. I had enough in Jesus. He is my life and daily bread. Then I would declare the gospel to him. This is how it sounded in my imagination. I remained at my seat as if was glued to my chair, and my mouth did nothing but eat.
At least I prayed for the Marihuana ‘salesman’.
I see my reflection in the shop window.
My limbs are stiff,
I can’t feel my body
I can’t move.
They take the dress of me
pants and blouse instead.
I lose my arm.
A person bumps into me
I lose the other arm and both legs
Where is my head?
A person screws me together quickly
The silence of the closing hours is sneaking
The light is off
Darkness creeps in
The city is empty
I am empty
I try to move
I hit the window
The glass cracks
A trembling clatter
My head hits the cold asphalt
I lose my arms and legs again
Iooking at the starry sky
A Sound of foot steps approaches
The feet stop at my hair
The man bends down
He puts me together
A red drop rolls down my leg
My limbs are not rigid anymore
I can move my arms and legs
He approaches me
Breathes into my mouth
My chest moves
He looks me in the eye
My feet are wet
as standing in a puddle
I want to move the feet
But discover that I’m standing
in the middle of a rippling source
Trickles out of his body
I bow and take a sip
I feel my heart
I am alive
The mud of rotten flesh seduces
Lying shadows build castles in the air
the castles are prisons
sinners are prisoners…..How is it possible for sinners to learn to love?
I grew up with the commandments of love. My parents taught me the values of helping and loving other people, but in many ways, it was impossible for me to follow the commandments of love. I believed there was a God, but that was I all I knew. I didn’t love myself and it was hard for me to love other people, because I didn’t know Jesus.
When I was 17 years-old, I met Jesus and became a Christian, but for many years, I did the evil, which I didn’t want to do. “For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.” (Romans 7:19). I often read my Bible, but I couldn’t understand why Paul all the time said I was not allowed to sin. I mourned that it was impossible for me to stop sinning. How was I a new person and how had my old person died? (Ephesians 4) How could I live in the Spirit, and what were the fruits of the Spirit? I tried, I tried and I tried, but I failed. I tried by my own strength and thoughts to love my neighbor, and I never succeeded. Why?
Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all. Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised that he is obligated to obey the whole law. You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love. (Gal 5:2-6)